The Breath Before Death: How to Cope With the Wait

Hospice.  A wonderfully helpful entity.  But when you hear the word applied to someone you care about, the concept washes over you in a whole new way.  You feel like you are holding your breath for a really long moment--longer than your lungs can bear.  You're waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak.  You feel jumpy every time your phone declares one of its many noisier-than-usual signals.  Your head and heart play tricks on you, trying to convince you it's not real, yet taunting you with how real it actually is.

And you feel helpless even as others work around the clock to help your loved one.

Is there anything solid and sure to cling to during the wait?

It's good to experience and acknowledge the feelings, but it doesn't have to end there.

Joy is a viable option!  I know, because I've been there before, and I'm walking through it now.

Joy reminds me that it is totally okay to be sad and angry and scared and confused.  But joy goes beyond those feelings and chooses to remember and focus on what I know to be true:

• God knows the future, and He's the only One who needs to.
• God loves me, and He loves the one I love.
• God is not helpless, no matter how helpless I feel.
• I am not actually helpless.  I can pray and love and communicate and remember and hope.  If I can physically be at the bedside, I can hold hands, encourage, comfort, and pray some more.
• God's timing is impeccable, even if it doesn't feel like it.
• God cares about what I'm feeling, and He understands.  God is going to take care of me and everyone else left behind.  He wants to tend to my broken heart if I just offer it to His care.

The truth is that God knows which breath will be the last breath before death, and He has a plan for that breath and every breath before it.  We can't see what He is doing, how He is working in that person's mind and heart, and in the minds and hearts of everyone waiting.  We likely won't ever understand on this earth ALL the mightiness He is accomplishing behind the scenes, but we can know it is beautiful beyond description when woven in with the complete tapestry of His story.

So, I will cry, but as one with hope.

"O Lord, You are my God; I will exalt You; I will give thanks to Your name; for you have worked wonders, plans formed long ago, with perfect faithfulness."
--Isaiah 25:1

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