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Wednesday, May 15, 2019

When You're Waiting for Your Phone to Ring--Don't!



Regarding platonic relationships, if social media posts these days are any indicator, there are more lonely people now than ever before; or maybe it's just that we have a greater awareness because of the ease of making one's feelings known (via social media) to a large audience--without having to look anyone in the eye.

Loneliness is a legitimate issue, but it's clear that many people bring on their own isolation.  It doesn't have to be this way!

I'm no expert, but I'm fairly certain that complaining on the internet about no one calling us isn't the most effective way to connect with people.  In fact, though I'm a compassionate person, when I see social media posts that say things like, "It's too bad that no one ever calls me or talks to me," my first thought is, "Why are you waiting for someone else to make the first move?"  Not that I don't feel any compassion for the person, but I also don't agree with consistently dumping the entire responsibility in the other person's lap.

I say this with love and all respect, dear one:  It's not at all brave or productive to passively announce to the world how lonely you are* instead of calling/texting/emailing/DMing/etc. the actual individuals you want to spend time with.

In other words, if you're waiting for your phone to ring or for someone to approach you--STOP!  Just stop.

Make the first move, my friend.  I mean, what if everyone waited on everyone else to reach out?  No one would have one-on-one social interactions!  What if your particular person is thinking you don't want to get together because you are silent toward them, not knowing that you're silent because you are waiting on them to speak first?

Might they reject you?  Perhaps.  That's where the courage comes in.  The less you already know someone, the scarier it can be to reach out.  But what if they don't reject you?  What if they turn out to become a really nice acquaintance or a super awesome friend?  You'll miss out on a fulfilling relationship if  you cower in fear.

If the person you want to spend time with is already a friend, BE a friend by inviting them to to get together, rather than making them always do the asking.  Deeper connections take effort on both sides.  Sometimes even old friends lose touch because of circumstances, but it's worth it to rekindle the camaraderie by making time to hang out together.

I dare you to breathe a prayer, pick up your phone, and make your move--now! :)


*Of course, I'm not saying no one should ever be transparent about loneliness.  It's the use of a "feel sorry for me" broadcast on social media that is ineffective.  If you already make a lot of effort toward someone, and they don't return it, a private conversation with them about what's going on is likely to accomplish much more.




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