I love you more than mere words or the best of actions and attitudes could express. You are one of my three most cherished gifts from God--right up there with eternal life and your dad.
I love to see you happy. Really, I could go so far as to say my world is a better place when you're happy. "Happy" can be a lovely thing to be and to see in others.
But happiness is not the goal that will lead to a fulfilling life. It is not the goal of a world-changer. It is not my goal in raising you.
Happiness is shallow. It's a mere emotion that can morph into any other emotion as fast as you and your friends can devour a pizza. Or faster, even!
Happiness can be a liar. It tries to tell you that YOU are more important than anyone else and that what YOU want is better than what God wants for you. It tempts you to think that your parents can't possibly know anything if they say that what you want isn't what's best for you.
Parents are enticed by happiness, too--sometimes by our kids' happiness even more than our own. We feel like we would be willing to give anything, do anything, or sacrifice anything for the sake of your happiness.
But the thing is, if we scour the entire Bible for evidence that happiness is to be a goal to achieve in life, we'll never find it. If we look around us for examples of thriving kids whose parents' ultimate goal is said kids' happiness, we are likely to find instead a whole lot of depression or discontent or greed or selfishness or laziness or endless combinations of some or all of the above.
Chasing happiness is an endless cycle that never satisfies. Joy is a much better option. It's not an emotion, but an attitude that you can choose no matter what your circumstances are in any given moment.
So, am I saying I don't want you to ever be happy? Of course not! When you have times of happiness in your life, I will absolutely rejoice with you. And I hope and pray you continue to have many of those.
But I won't compromise what I know to be right in order to see a smile on your face. Your scowls, sullenness, backtalk, anger, sadness, eye-rolling (or any other manipulative tactics kids tend to employ) won't intimidate me into changing my mind about something I've said "no" about, whether that be a thing or a privilege or a relationship you desire.
That doesn't mean I won't reconsider my answer if you respectfully ask to appeal and have compelling reasons for me to do so. But if the answer turns out to still be "no," no amount of huffing and puffing from you will wear me down.
See, my goal, instead of seeing you happy, is to help you grow in your relationship with Jesus; to learn to recognize and follow His leading; to trust Him with everything; to be content in what He gives or withholds; to truly LOVE Him.
Was Jesus happy all the time? Could He have accomplished all that He did without experiencing heartbreak, fatigue, hunger, ultimate betrayal, sadness, anger, the worst physical pain?
That's not to say that everyone will suffer to the degree that Jesus did, but the Bible does tell us that it's through the difficult times, the suffering, that we grow and mature in Him. We build character and perseverance by not getting everything we want and by looking outside ourselves to see how we can serve other people, even if we don't feel like it.
Totally contrary to what comes naturally to most of us
So . . . be happy whilst you may, my dear one, and don't feel guilty for those happy moments you've come by honestly, not tainted by manipulation or any other kind of wrong-doing. Rejoice! Savor! Happy times are a gift!
But I love you SO much that I will willingly face my own heartbreak over seeing you work through those painful times in life. I will walk alongside you and help you in appropriate ways, but I won't rescue you or give you what you want when it's not good for you. Nor will I change what I'm making for dinner because you don't like it (unless it's your birthday!) or do your chores for you because you complain. Not gonna happen!
And, before you go asking your dad if I've flipped my lid . . . we are in agreement on this, and he will attest to my sanity. ;)
Lovingly,
Mom
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