But I'm new to making videos and nothing was going right in my attempts that day.
AND I realized I don't have time to vlog every other week like I had planned. Making videos is far more time-consuming than writing a blog. Especially for someone like me who still has so little experience.
I just can't do it all!
And that made me mad.
At myself.
At my inexperience.
At my circumstances on that particular day.
So, I did what any self-respecting hypocrite trying to vlog about pity parties would do.
I threw myself a doozy of a pity party!
I was done being an indie author/publisher/editor/proofreader/cover designer/advertising executive.
Yep! I convinced myself it was time to quit.
For maybe 30 minutes.
I cried, fumed, and cut myself down for a good portion of that time, convincing myself that my first year-and-a-half as a published author has been a waste. I think I even pounded my bed with my fists a few times in anguish. (I don't typically like drama, but I guess I make an exception when I'm alone.)
And, yes, all along I was acutely aware of the irony of the timing of my pity party, considering the topic of my would-be video. Yes, siree! And, yes, the awareness did kinda put a damper on things. But I was determined to have the best pity party I could muster under the circumstances!
God spoke to my heart, though, as He always does, through the Scriptures I have read, studied, and memorized over the years (though the memorization has slowed way down in recent years!). The power of the one and only Living Book is so amazing! It reaches far beyond the moment our eyes take in the words. The older I become, the more I see the rippling ramifications of dwelling on the Truth.
When I chose to quiet myself, the truth was able to seep in: I can't quit yet! I haven't been at it long enough to have given it a fair chance! I've learned so much, but still have so much more to learn! As an independent author/publisher, I'm doing the writing plus all the other jobs a traditional publishing house would be doing for me! (That's not a complaint, just a fact I have to take into consideration.) Success takes time! (And success is not always what I think of it to be.) God has helped me all along! God lead me here! I'm following His lead! He's not going to leave me now! People who like to be entertained and encouraged by fiction stories without awkward details need more options!
And so on and so on.
It didn't take me oh-so-long to realize it's not time to quit. My pity party was not a reflection of God's timing. It was a reflection of my discouraged (and rather self-centered) heart.
So, I'm pressing on. The only thing I need to quit is trying to accomplish too much in too little time. It's just not productive! It's a learning process . . .
Oh, and I suppose I'd better quit the pity parties, too. They always leave me feeling like the proverbial party-goer with the lampshade on his head.
Foolish.
My point in all this is that, though I believe joy is the way to go, and I encourage you to choose joy, I miss the mark sometimes. We all do, no matter how strong our resolve. But we can choose to get up and keep pushing forward, rather than wallowing in our failures. Let's encourage each other to press on!
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